Coping With Bereavement- Life is Precious

Moving forwards after life deals you a bum deal can seem impossible. Following a trying week of bereavement, this Monday I thought I’d offer ramblings of motivation for any fabulous readers currently feeling pain, loss and suffering. As the story goes my best friend’s Grandma Tina passed away this week. Death is one of the hardest parts of life. Having been a consistent source of love, security and grounding the loss of my friends’ Grandma was felt in the most painfully brutal and heartbreaking way. No matter what loss you’re experiencing right now I hope this Monday’s post will offer motivation to move forwards

‘Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive.’ Haruki Murakami

Appreciate Memories: Growing up my best friend’s Grandma Tina lived at the end of our street having moved to England from Italy after the war, she stood at a mere 5ft tall and had a wildly audible Italian accent. Every morning, regular as clockwork, without fail, Tina would meet us at the bus stop before school to give us satsumas ready peeled and split into segments, chocolate and attempt to stuff money into our pockets. When my best friend would visit, her Grandma would wait at the end of the street, you could always see her in her pink coat and little wooly hat waiting. Tina would always make it to Sunday mass and sometimes walk with us through the park. To quote Haruki Murakami one of my favourite authors

‘Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart’.

When something or someone has been a continuous source of love and happiness, loosing them can leave a gaping hole in your heart. Appreciate memories, the minutest details and stories of times past, share the happy memories, write them down, never let go of them. Use the memories as a treasure chest of love and warm source of happiness.

Moving forward: Blame, guilt and anger are inevitably felt when a loved one passes away. Harbouring anger and guilt, allowing it to manifest through your thoughts and actions will only reduce the quality of life yourself and those around you experience. Taking something positive from a bad situation is the only real way to move forwards. Focus not on the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’s’, focus on all the love they brought you, the memories, the life lessons they taught you. No words can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see it through to the end and learn something from it.

”And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.’ Haruki Murakami

Do em’ Proud: Tina was always kind, self less, fiercely independent and considered the finer details (like peeling an orange so you could eat it easily on the school bus) she was brave having buried her husband and daughter, despite her own loss, she still offered endless love and support to her Grand daughter. Identify the qualities of those you have loved and lost, adopt all that they taught you. When we are told our lost loved ones are all around us, watching over us, it’s true, whether you believe in Heaven, the afterlife or not, their spirit, strength, wisdom, teachings and love lives on through us. Emulate their qualities, live as they would have hoped for and do em’ proud. They will always be with us.

Life is precious: Losing somebody dear to us highlights how precious life is. Cherish their memories, learn from all that they taught you, focus your thoughts to love, know that they live on through you, they helped shape the person you are to become. Remembering that life does not go on forever is the greatest way to avoid the snare of thinking you have something to lose. Allow yourself to love, become inspired, believe in your dreams. Luxiriate in the spectacles of life. Be alive and know it.

Thank you Tina for your love, may you be at peace now.