Becoming your authentic self is key to living the most positive, fabulous life imaginable in love, happiness, business and style. Your authentic self is who you are at the core, not your job, how others see you, your level of education, where you shop or your social standing. When you are not living as your authentic self you feel incomplete, unfulfilled, dissatisfied. You may be ignoring your true gifts, talents, inner style, beauty and unique purpose. Living without knowing your authentic self can drain you of the critical life energy you need to pursue the things you truly value.
Defining and accepting your authentic self can be a tough process. You will need strength and the belief that there is a place in the world for each one of us to live our happiest, dream life.
To begin to know your authentic self you must first be able to answer a number of questions.
1. What makes you stand out?
Identify and list the things about you that are unusual, different, outstanding, unique to you. Be honest. What are your defining physical, mental and emotional attributes? We find it all too easy to point out what we dislike about ourselves and can often be our own harshest critics. Pointing out and identifying what makes you stand out can mean facing those things we seemingly dislike or want to mask about ourselves and facing them head on.
For example: ‘One of the things that makes me stand out is my big, curly bright ginger/ red hair. I spent many years dying my hair darker, hiding my natural hair colour, relentlessly touching up my roots. I didn’t want to stand out or be mocked for looking different.’
Hiding your authentic self can be draining, hard work and leaves you feeling unfulfilled. The media, society pressures and external influences can be partly responsible for the misconception that we should look or act a certain way to be accepted. There is beauty in difference.
Since I made the firm decision not to dye over my natural colour I have found it one of the things I’m most complimented about and that the right people accept me for my authentic self. Sure, I still get the odd remark or criticism, if you stand out you have to have the strength to accept you will never be everybody’s cup of tea. List what it is that makes you stand out, not just how you look but mental and emotional attributes too. Are you a caring person? are you super into computers? do you love Sci-Fi, what makes you different?
2. How do I define my style?
Now that you have your list of physical attributes you can start to work with them. Utilise your unique attributes to your advantage. Each one of us has a certain way of doing things wether it’s how we dress, decorate our home, write our names, whatever. We all have our own true style. To have style you have to know who you are. Harness your true style by identifying your unique attributes and exaggerating them, own them, these are your special gifts, don’t hide them behind the proverbial bush! If you wear glasses, choose a frame that channels your true style. If your hair is big and curly back comb it, if you’re overweight don’t drown yourself in shapeless black clobber, shine your light for the world see. Be bold, be brave. There is beauty in difference. Dare to be different.
3. What is your true calling?
Now that you have your list of emotional attributes you can begin to asses wether what and where you are in life right now is in tune with your authentic self. Are you a creative soul, do you love to read Medieval literature, are you naturally very caring? What are your core emotional attributes? how do you channel your energies when nobodies watching? what did your 8year old self dream of doing? how would you want your obituary to read? are you living somebody else’s dream? The Future Workshop can offer a practical way to structure your calling and facilitate making your dream life a reality.
4. What issues do you need to resolve with yourself?
You alone are responsible for you own fulfilment. To believe otherwise is to delude your mind and hop from one external distraction to the next. Masking and not accepting your true self can manifest itself in a number of negative ways be it addiction, depression, unhappiness, rage.
It’s easy to externalise issues that you alone need to resolve. Work through the Critical Phase of The Future Workshop to identify what is wrong with your life right now. You will need to ask yourself, very honestly what is wrong with your life and have the strength to identify what changes you can make to overcome these issues. How are you burdening yourself? there are burdens you can easily let go of if you are willing. Worry and negativity are a misuse of your imagination.
5. What do you love about your life?
There will be times when life throws you a curved ball. When you face adversity it is how you respond that defines who you truly are. The idea that you are a victim of any particular circumstance is inaccurate.
The quality of your life is ultimately your choice. Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today. Focus on the things that you love about your life, build on these, wash away negative influences and work towards a fabulous future one day at a time.
If you want to find someone to talk through this subject with you might want to opt for online therapy, which is a great way to work through your thoughts and emotions.